Being Broke Is Expensive

The best word I can use to describe the month of April is aggressive.  We moved, my husbands wonderful grandma passed away, he lost a crown and we are broke.  While all for those things were rough being broke really magnified everything.  It reinforced what I have known for a long time and that is, being broke is expensive.  It forces you to make decisions that get you through the moment but may not be in your best interest in the long run.  When you run tight on money a few cents can totally fuck everything up.  The next thing you know you have fees and penalties adding up which put you farther in the hole.  It reminds me of the old "Owe my soul to the company store" song where you can't get ahead.  Not only that, I can't believe how much produce and proteins cost!!!  It's no wonder families can't afford healthy food! 
So far 2015 has been a money pit.  I had that dental emergency that has traumatized me for life, we went on my dream vacation and we moved.  That's why we're currently broke and I know that it is only temporary but it still feels scary and makes me less able to roll with the other punches that life throws.  Even though I really hate being flat broke at this stage in life I know that moving to a less expensive apartment was absolutely the right thing for us to do.  Watching what I spend has given me a new appreciation for the nice things that I often take for granted.  It's good to have a reality check every now and again, but I'm ready to buy toilet paper without checking my balance again. 

A Goal To Work Towards

I finally have another goal to work towards.  We will be seeing a large group of our family in two months and I would like to look my best.  I started my day by riding my bike for an hour and then I walked around town and I really think I can hit my 10,000 step goal for the day.  I went to the store to get breakfast and lunch for the week and dinner for two nights.  This will take me to Friday when I plan to have a cheap happy hour dinner and then cook at home Saturday and Sunday.  Of course it's Monday so we all know about the best made plans.  I work one evening this week and in the past that's been a trigger for me to spontaneously drink and over eat.
The other thing that is affecting me currently is that we are broke from all the moving expenses and having just been on vacation and the tooth emergency.  In some ways it's a good way to be forced to do the things you know you're supposed to do.  My goals include eating in which is convenient since I can't really afford to go out.  It also made me follow through and get a library card.  We have a great library and I should be taking advantage of it!  The weather is fantastic in Portland right now so that really helps with my motivation. 

Getting Settled

I'm finally starting to feel settled in our new apartment.  I still have a few boxes to unpack, but things are coming together.  I rode my stationary bike today for the first time since we moved and that felt amazing!  Exercise really does make you feel better about yourself.  When things are messy and unsettled all I want to do is eat and take a nap.  I still feel that way, but today I feel more optimistic and proactive. 

What A Difference 5 Pounds Makes

I have put on 5 pounds since leaving for vacation, and it's made a bigger difference than you might think.  When I hit my goal before leaving I felt fit and I thought I looked pretty good too.  My cloths fit better and I just felt altogether more confident.  I even felt that my face looked thinner. 
I need to remember this when I'm eating bread for no apparent reason or acting like I'm still on vacation and I deserve to eat treats.  It was totally worth all the hard work I had put in!!!!  I felt amazing and so happy for myself.  This is why it's worth it to count my calories and stay within my range.  It's not really the number, it's the accomplishment.  It feels great to do what you set out to.  I have got tot keep that in mind when I'm struggling to see the big picture.